Author: autismplusmoreblog

Will I always be the friend I never wanted to be?

I have always been a believer that I am my child’s parent not their friend. As my NT daughter has reached adulthood, I am slowly stepping from the always parental role into a friend/parent role. Not that we aren’t friends with our children, we play with them, we interact with them, we have fun with them, just like friends, but I always tried to maintain a separate style of relationship until a later time in life.

What I have realized though, for my AU son, I will have to be the friend I never wanted to be. I never wanted to be my child/teen’s friend, but even though we work on social skills, establishing friendships, etc it is just so different than my daughter and her friendships. I have learned that I will be my son’s parent, his caretaker, his schedule coordinator, his advocate, his voice, his counselor and the one thing I never wanted to be his “friend” as a child and teenage years. With all his improvements over the past year he’s starting to emerge into this world, out of his AU world. He’s interacted with his friends this summer in a way he never has before. His friendships are not the type that you and I are familiar with. He doesn’t have young siblings or even cousins that he is close age vicinity too to interact. He interacts with his classmates. But as a 14 year old, he doesn’t use his phone to call and talk to them or even text them – he doesn’t carry on conversations of “how are you” “hey what’s up”, etc – it starts out with side to side activities and eventually interacts between the two (or three). He doesn’t discuss the latest movies or trends. I am the one which he talks to more and that is not often, but progress is being made. I recognize that he and I are buddies – and with this I have to know when to be the parent and when to be the friend, which presents challenges itself at times.

I have really enjoyed going out of his comfort zone this summer and spending time with other AU parents and their kids, who my son considers his friends. I do love hearing his words about his “friends” but when it comes to a true friendship, for now, I am that that friend, the friend, I never wanted to be. The spectrum is so broad and for my son, he has a biological age of 14, about a 3rd grade academic age and a 5-7 year old social and emotional age. It is difficult not only to manage life in these ranges but friendships too.
The AU world brings a lot of challenges and that’s ok, but sometimes, the reality in some areas come out of nowhere, but there are always blessings to be found. His bravery and interactions this summer have been monumental and that I am so grateful and accept that I will be that friend I never wanted to be, at least for now as I watch and help him continue to emerge in life, social skills and learn how to develop and maintain friendships. I also feel very blessed to have a social circle of spectrum families that face similar challenges or are at least understanding about ours.
Here are some more pictures of Tyler and his different friends on different outings.

Dental visit 7-20-17

Another successful dental visit. For about 2 ½ years we have been monitoring these 3 “stains” on Tyler’s teeth. The dentist does not consider them full blown cavities until they are to a point of needing to be filled. He said again, Tyler is “cavity” free (until they need to be filled) and that the stains have not “grown” or “gotten deeper” This is now the 4th dental visit where Tyler has been fluoride free (2 years) he said his teeth look healthy, he’s doing a good job on his brushing grade and doing a good job all around (especially for being autistic, he knows the struggles). PLUS we made this dental visit using NO calming oils this morning (mom forgot them LOL) and no it hasn’t always been this way. The dentist was thrilled to see he was 1 year medication free. #yleo #flouridefree #detoxbody #thievestoothpaste #thievesmouthwash #medicationfree #autismandteetharedifficult
PICTURE: Tyler getting his teeth cleaned AFTER taking x-rays IMG_0026